Well the time came and now is finally over but we all made it out alive. This past weekend Edgar was sick. Friday when i picked him up from daycare i could tell he was not feeling well. Once we got home i took his temp and his temp was a little high but nothing to run to the Dr about. That night he was not in the best of moods and was complaining about his mouth hurting. The next day his fever was down however he kept complaining that when he ate that his mouth hurt. I took a closer look and noticed several canker soars in his mouth. Immediately I felt bad for him as i know those things are annoying and they do hurt. With Edgar being 3 years old I was not sure what I could and what I could not give him. My mother always told me to gargle with warm salt water. So over the course of the long weekend I had Edgar gargle several times with warm salt water.
Edgar was in so much pain that we woke up almost every two hours screaming and just not in a very good mood. He complained about everything and was just not the little boy that Juan and I enjoy raising.
Tue came around and Juan took Edgar to the Dr and he confirmed that he indeed had canker soars and he prescribed Edgar with a “Super Mouthwash” for him to gargle with.
Weds was Edgars first day back to daycare and he was really not wanting to go. When Juan dropped him off he was crying and fussing that he didn’t want to go. However when I arrived to pick him up after work i noticed that he was that loving little boy that had been missing for the past four days. Juan and I both were both so happy that Edgar was back and happy as we both felt really bad for him.
I decided to write this part of the blog because often times as new parents you come to situations where you don’t know what to do as a parent. I felt that this weekend Juan and I hands were a bit tied as we didn’t know what to do for our boy. Several people gave us advice but whose do you follow and is it necessary. No matter the issue we always need to think the best for the child and hope for a speedy recovery.
Last week he had our first home study and it went very well. We finally were able to put a face with our workers name and meet face to face.
The thing that surprised Juan and I was that she really was not there to make sure that our house was clean and or that it was “Safe” for Edgar. She sort of told us that we are paying for her to come out so she really did not care to look for those types of things. The main reason that she was there is that she wanted to see how Edgar interacted with Juan and I. She wanted to see how he was physically and mentally. I am very proud of Edgar because typically when someone new comes in the picture he is typically a little stand offish until he gets to know the person. In this case Edgar jumped right in and actually tried to get the worker to come play with him. 🙂 It was actually really cute and made me Love him more and more. She did actually tour our home and was impressed and said that she liked everything.
I dont know what it is but we mentioned that there might be another baby in the picture (A Girl) and she asked if we were going to try to get her. I jumped up and said “UMMMM No” “Well… Not in this house. Maybe if we had a bigger one”
The social worker really wanted to talk and yes she could talk. I think that our interview was over in about 45 min but she ended up staying for another hour because she wanted to keep talking. All in all the visit was very good and we kind of have a better picture of where this is all going. Paperwork is suppose to go out and so on (Without going into detail). The ball is definitively rolling and i hope this process is smooth and quick.
The long wait is finally over for at least this step of the process. Today we are having our home visit by our new social worker for the independent adoption of Edgar . As we have had other visits in the past we kind of know what to expect. I just hope that this social worker can help us fill in the blanks and tell us what to expect next. There are so many moving parts this adoption that we cant wait till it is all done and over with.
Things that we expect that the social worker will be looking for are of the following:
1st she will want to see where Edgar is sleeping.
Next she will ask where we keep our meds,chemicals, and I am sure our alcohol.
The social worker is basically making sure that the house is suitable for Edgar and to make sure that we are keeping him out of harms way.
Once she inspects the house we will probably sit down and chat for a while about the process and what we should expect.
We are both excited about the meeting but just cant wait till it is over b/c it really is a hassle and a nuisance. Juan and I both agree that the county nor no one should have to come in and check the place out seeing that this child is not a county baby nor is he in the system. We are willing to jump through all the hoops and play their little games but we agree that it is not needed especially since heterosexual couples would not have to go through this process when they are having a baby naturally.
Updates will follow after our visit is complete as this is the first real step in the independent adoption process.
Today Grandma, Grandpa, Juan, Edgar, and Myself all took a mini trip to the Ohio River to my parents land. I haven’t been down to the river in several years and I wanted to show Juan how I used to spend my weekends while I was growing up. The place has changed a lot since the last time I have been there but over all the place looks pretty good. I still chuckle every time my parents refer to the mobile home as their camper. By no means is this a camper and they are not camping.
I was glad that I was able to share with Juan and Edgar part of my life that not many people have gotten the chance to witness or come with. At the same time Edgar and my parents bonded very well and Edgar has found some new best friends. J Papa and Mama.
I really love first times. I love the anticipation of being excited and having fun. We are finally taking a family vacation. Edgar is going to get to meet my crazy family and they all get to see this bundle of joy that we are raising. I am super excited for Edgar and my mother to meet i think that they will have fun together. Another first and other part of the vacation is that we are driving from Ohio to New York. This will be a first for all of us and we are all really excited. Thus far we have plans to see the 911 Memorial. I think that the 911 memorial is a very special place and I cant wait to see it in person.
As all parents are when they travel for the first time with their children they are probably concerned about how their children will react to the travel and what they should expect. My main concern is that when we drive from Ohio to New York it is a 8 hr car ride and i am not sure how he will do. Edgar is potty trained but i just do not know how long he can hold it before we have to stop. I am sure that we are going to stop and rest for a while but i hope he does fine.
Another thing is that Edgar has never been on a airplane but i think that he will be fine and actually be excited to be on one. I told him the other day that we were going to be getting on one and he seemed excited.
I cant wait to see all my family and have them meet Edgar and finally show the world that Gay families do work and that we make good dads and papis.
I will try to update the blog as we make our way to the different places we visit.
Have you ever put a lot of time is something and then finally realized that it was a waste of time and energy? Well at this point it seems that the past 3 months that we have had Edgar in our home we have been told different stories and facts and it seems that none of them are true or just missing some truth to the matter. I typically do not like to bash people or organizations especially on a public domain. However I can tell you that we are very disappointed and hurt that we were misled and basically wasted 3 months of our time.
The short end of the story is that we were waiting on the County to give us our final home study as they said they would be able to help us out with since we have already came this far. After numerous emails and phones our social worker finally returned a phone call (Seems like she was always on VAC) just to tell us that she is not going to be able to help us with our final home study and that they were going to close our case (Keep In mind we had already spend about a year leading up to this point.).
After a long fought battle Juan and I were defeated and we now have to start back at square one and pay about $5000 to have a home study completed. We now have to be fingerprinted once again and have another medical evaluation completed and I am sure that there is other BS that has to be completed.
Another great point of my frustration is that the county was sure fast to collect my money to start this process but it has been 2 weeks since we petitioned for the adoption and I had to call and finally asked them what the status . All I was told that who our social worker is and that i should call her but as the county goes I called and the call went to voice mail and i am still waiting for a returned call.
In the meantime we are still moving on with our family life and doing family things. Next month we are going back to Ohio to visit my parents. My mom has been waiting patiently to finally get a chance to meet Edgar and it seems she is getting really excited as we are excited to come home and see everyone.
Below is a Picture that we just had taken by one of my friends. Michael Brant via MRBMedia.org
When the NOH8 Campaign came to our area, my son and I thought it was time to show the rest of the world that ‘family’ was defined by love, support, and mutual understanding – not just biology. With many groups still restricting adoption by gay parents or couples, our voices needed to be heard to prove that a gay man can raise a young man who has his own sexual identity – gay or straight.
This past week was the first time that I was away from my family for more than 2 days due to the military. I often look back and ask myself and wonder how in the heck some parents such as my brother is able to just leave their families behind for long periods of time. I know that I have only been gone for a week but it seems like forever. I give huge props to Juan and all other military spouses that support the family while their spouse is out serving our country. Thank you all!!!
This year I think is going to be a challenge for me and my family. This year I have this training that I am just now completing and then I have to Mississippi in July for 2 months and I am not looking forward to leaving Juan and my son. I hope that we are able to figure out the adoption stuff before I have to leave. If we are not able to I just hope that we are not ordered to court while I am gone.
I miss my son so much I am just thankful that technology is where it is today and I am able to video chat with Juan and Edgar. Yesterday I spoke to Edgar via Facetime and when he seen me he had a huge smile on his face and he Yelled “Daddy!!!”. That made me feel so good when I heard that. I know that we have only had Edgar for about 3 months now and the child has already been through several parents and I just do not want him to think that I am leaving him and that I am still here for him and that I love him more than ever. I am so happy that I am able to go home and see my son and give him all the kisses and huges that I wasn’t able to give him this past week.
Juan and my first goals as a parent was to potty train Edgar. Juan and I were very determined to make this happen as we all know that potty training is one of the hardest tasks for parents to complete especially in a timely manner.
I can not officially state that Edgar is completely potty trained as he still has accidents from time to time but he has come a long way. In 2 months times Edgar went from fighting Juan and I to telling us that he has to go pee pee. Edgar was so out of sync that he even decided that the shower was an OK place to go potty. Juan and I basically had to trick him to get him to go potty in the toilet. Yesterday I think Marked the day that I became very proud of Edgar. At Day Care he apparently just went to the bathroom and went potty.
We still continue to watch him like a hawk and continuously ask him if he has to go pee pee and his reply is a typical “Pee Pee No” response.
Potty training is defiantly a conversation piece that all parents can talk about and give advice about. The only advice i can give is that you need to keep with it and keep in mind how much money you can save once they are out of diapers. However… My bathroom reaks of urine as Edgar has not quite learned how to aim in the toilet but i am sure he will get it in time.
Another bummer that i wish that they would make a standard in public places is the height of the urinal. Edgar is not a tall boy and he has a hard time using public restrooms because of it. If there is any type of trick i would love to know but most of the time he is peeing all over the place.
If anyone is potty training currently i wish them luck and don’t give up.